Updated: May 23, 2022
I want to start this post by sharing a little bit of my story and how this part of me became both the most important and the most destructive thing I've ever experienced.
Since I was a kid I was always the "skinny one." I became so attached to the image of being skinny, because I thought it was all I had, it was all I could offer. It made me feel validated. I have an amazing family, but they were always very hard and critical, especially with food, and I thought I had to eat really good in order to be a good person.
My dad abandoned me and my twin sister when we were toddlers and that created all kinds of insecurities within myself. These insecurities developed and deepened over time. Society can be very hard and my friends would always compliment me on the fact that I was always the fit one. My way to "fit in" was to keep the body image that everyone seemed to desire so much.
When I was 13 years old I met my dad for the first time. It was a long process to be able to build a relationship with him, and during all this my eating disorders became more pronounced. He had a girlfriend that would plant all sorts of ideas in my head, and without blaming her, I thought that I had to follow her in order to be loved by my dad.
The things we live through as kids make lasting impressions on us for the rest of our lives. In my process of healing, I discovered many memories of the past that made a big impact in the way I react to things now. I had to make peace with those parts of myself. I had to give my inner child all the love it was missing in order for her to feel protected. I opened a new life without those judgments and insecurities.
Eating disorders have been a big part of my life, but my healing journey goes far beyond them. I went through anxiety, panic attacks, continued disappointment, and self blame in order to be able to help others the same way I helped myself. I was so disconnected from myself and my body everything I was doing was for the validation of others.
During a 5 month long backpacking trip with my twin sister I experienced a lot of growth. Visiting India was an experience that I will always be so grateful for. I found through meditation, yoga, and a variety of other tools, that I had a mission to help others. I had to reconnect with myself by learning forgiveness and love.
All my experiences and all the damage I did to myself made me had all kind of mental and physical issues that were getting worse every year. It's been a long process of healing, of reconnecting with myself, of making peace with myself, of understanding that I am not the victim, I am the owner of my own story and I can create it the way I want. Possibilities are endless.
I want to remind you to have patience, patience with yourself and your process. I struggled with this for so many years. I was very attached to the ideas and beliefs that were not letting me think clearly. The freedom I experienced after was so dramatic and rewarding it made it all worth it, I discovered a whole new life that existed for me.
I never thought I was strong enough to beat it, and I thought this must be how I was supposed to live for the rest of my life. But .... do you want to live the rest of your life limiting yourself with restrictions, and not being able to enjoy what you want?
We can learn to love ourselves and our body now, and it's a process of understanding ourselves on a deeper level. Our body is strong and capable, and it knows what it wants. We just have to learn to listen to it.
It's not your fault to think you have to have the "perfect body" in order to fit in. It's not your fault to think a diet is necessary to lose the "extra weight." It's not your fault that you are classifying food and not letting yourself eat what you want.
The diet industry is very toxic and it lets us believe ideas that often do more damage to ourselves than eating poorly. Diets fail often, if they were so successful they wouldn't have to create a new one every season. The truth is there is no perfect body, everybody is beautiful the way they are. Let yourself enjoy, let yourself be free. That doesn't mean you are not going to take care of your body, but by working with your body to achieve your true desires and ultimately happiness.
If all this resonates with you, I invite you to get my FREE mini course : Connect with your true self, so you can go a little deeper in this journey of self connection.
Know that this is something that you don’t have to do alone....
I would be honored to walk with you on this journey and help you make the changes to call in the life you want and deserve.